Only this, and Nothing More
by RvnsDsks
Summary: A series of one shots and drabbles about Clara and her time with the Doctor. Will feature appearances/mentions of other characters, but mostly Clara. Written to help cope with the most recent episode, Face the Raven. Rated T for mentions of character deaths, and hints at possibly disturbing things. *Discontinued/On Hiatus*
1. Impossible

**I'm going to keep Author's Notes to a minimum, but I just wanted to introduce myself and the story. This was created as a way to help cope with the events of 'Face the Raven.' If you have not seen it, then go and do so immediately, but for the time being, it is not crucial for the first few chapters. So you have time. I'll post potential spoiler alerts, but I'm sure most of you are all caught up.**

 **I have a general idea where this is going, though there is no 'plot' so much as just thoughts and general feelings of Clara and other characters throughout the episodes. Anyway, enjoy, and let me know what you think in reviews!**

 **\- Raven**

* * *

It had been the Doctor who started it; the impossibilities. He had led them to this moment, in all his traipsing and tripping and hand flapping and fidgeting. Through every twitch and quirk and readjustment of his bow tie, he had been leading her on towards the impossible.

Towards the inevitable.

Even River Song had known. She must have, or else why would she have shown up and told her all those things about him? And how is it that she had let herself forget the rule: Never let him see the damage. But she had failed. Must have failed, because she wouldn't be here if she hadn't. Wouldn't be standing there as he writhed in pain on the floor, his bow tie all crooked and his chin jutting out from his face as he tried to grit his teeth against his death.

He had led her to it. All along; it was inevitable. She had jumped in unthinking. No, she had been thinking, just not of herself. She never stopped to think what this would do to her, how impossible she would become. She didn't ponder all the 'what could possibly go wrong's. The light of his time-stream was a beacon, a siren. A promise. A promise that she would save him, no matter what the cost.

And so she had jumped, blindly, faithfully, _impossibly_. She jumped, and went from 'I know what I'm doing' to 'I don't know where I am.'

His voice came through, calm, rational even in the midst of her chaos. Explaining in that way of his everything she was seeing.

And then he had appeared. Somehow, inexplicably, he had shown up. Older, longer haired. White hair down to his shoulders, and a grandfatherly air about him. She didn't know how, but she knew it was him, even though he walked past her without seeing her.

A flash of red was all she got when he next appeared, and even before the red him disappeared, a young, blond, handsome one took his place. A leather jacket, a grim, determined smile. A scarf that brushed the dusty ground. She smiled, almost laughed as she realized it was all him, but then a scream shook the place, and she fell.

She was always falling, it seemed. Falling into his arms, or out of them. Falling in and out of time, over and over and over, until she couldn't even remember a time when she wasn't resting in the arms of gravity, hovering infinitely without really coming down.

Until she had. Inexplicably, she landed, and she remembered who she was. She was the Impossible Girl, born to save him. To save the Doctor, no matter what that cost. But he didn't always remember her, or why she was there, so she would whisper to him every now and then.

"Run, you clever boy. Run. And remember me."

Remember the impossible.

And he did. He got her back, he remembered, and they ran together, always impossibly together. And she would save him, and grow bolder. Stronger. More confident and more daring. More like him, with every trip and adventure. Because she could. Because she was impossible.

Because he had made her that way. Always, and forever, his Impossible Girl.


	2. Breathing, but is this Life?

It's only when she first witnesses his death that she realizes he's not as indestructible as she thought he was, and she's not nearly prepared to face what she knows must come next. It had been her who had done it; ensured that he lived, saved him once again, but the man she's greeted with is a stranger with her best friend's mind. Or did he even have the same mind? It had been hard for her to tell in the beginning, when he was so new and gruff and old. He was so old, his hair curly, like she remembered he once had, but silver instead of that rich brown she used to love. And his eyes! Intense, piercing eyes that stripped you bare and revealed all your secrets and fears.

She would come to love those eyes, though she didn't know it at the time. She would grow to love the way he call her 'Clara my Clara,' and feel warm inside every time he gave one of his not-quite-but-close-enough smiles. The secret glances, the knowing look in his eyes.

But right now, he was a stranger, and she didn't know how to deal with that. But she followed along as best she could, reading the clues and searching for answers; the way things used to be. She could almost have pretended that it was how it used to be, and nothing had changed at all, that this was still her Doctor. Until he had left her to fend for herself, with just a simple bit of advice.

And she had tried, really, she had. She took a breath and put one foot in front of the other, slowly, so slowly. Her breath started to burn in her lungs, but she kept going, not daring to release it to draw another. But the room tilted, and her chest was on fire, and she convulsed slightly as her body tried to regain the air she had denied from it. And she had fallen again, with no Doctor in sight to catch her this time.

But she was wrong, of course. So wrong. He had come for her after all, and it was back to running. Back to fighting the bad guys and chasing away the monsters while the Doctor dealt with the biggest of the bad. Yet even when it was over, she had her doubts. Even as she was packing, waiting for him to return-because of course he would- she wondered if she really wanted to do this with him so not like himself.

Until the phone rang.

She had picked it up with a trembling hand, a tentative hello. And his voice! She almost cried to hear it, him, her Doctor, bowtie and all. He had assuaged her fears, and given her a purpose, one she had nearly forgotten in the midst of her sorrow. Her impossible mission.

Yes, he might be a stranger now, but he was a stranger she still had to find a way to save. He was completely new, and so unfamiliar with himself, and she was all he had. He was all she had, too. She would just have to trust him. Trust him to be himself: to be the Doctor. So she smiled, took a deep breath, and reminded herself that this was what her life was about, and she would just have to get used to it. She could be there for him now, like he had been there for her when she needed him.

But she still wasn't sure if he had pushed the cyborg or not, and there were times when that doubt would creep back in, asking herself if she knew who he was after all. But for now, she would just keep breathing. Keep travelling, keep saving, keep living for the next adventure. And that was all that mattered right now.


	3. HeroHeroine

**Sorry for the wait, and the shortness of this chapter. I hope you're enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it. I like analyzing and getting into the characters' heads, and trying to understand how they might think or feel while things are happening. Anyway, enjoy this chapter, and remember to review! It's nice to know people are actually reading and enjoying this, and I won't know that unless you say something.**

 **(Also, this chapter title comes from an awesome song that I felt sort of sums up Clara and the Doctor's relationship quite nicely. It's called 'Hero/Heroine' by Boys like Girls, and I highly recommend checking it out, though it's not crucial.)**

 **\- Raven**

* * *

She couldn't deny there was a certain thrill she got from him that she couldn't find anywhere else. Even in the midst of the danger- and there was plenty of danger- that addicting joy and adrenaline never ceased to make her feel alive. Her own life paled in comparison; teacher at a middle school with a brief period of nanny-ing on the side. It would become so monotonous, so boring, that she often wondered what it was that kept her from going insane.

And then she'd hear that noise. That grinding, whirring, groaning and wheezing that sounded so wrong to untrained ears but was just the right elixir to give her butterflies in her stomach. The doors would open, and off they would go, travelling, saving, exploring, and all the while she would say, 'just one more.' And one more, and one more. It was more than just addicting; it was a way of life. Her way.

Until she found something. Someone. And that magical wheezing and whirring turned her stomach sour, and the butterflies fled rather quickly in the face of her displeasure. But she had gone anyway, whether she was just out of instinct or curiosity, or that insatiable need that drove her, she never knew. Just that when he called, she came. It was simple as that.

Until it wasn't so simple. Until the adventures became complications, as limitations were placed, and rules set. Warnings given. And she found herself questioning everything, in spite of herself.

Danny meant well, she knew he did. But there was still that bitter taste in back of her mouth as she travelled, a reminder that she had to stop. For his sake, and hers. And each time she'd say, 'this is it. This is the last one. I'll stop now.' And then, 'but just one more.'


	4. Quoth the raven

**Hey everyone! If there is an 'everyone.' Sorry this has been so long in coming, I've had a lot of stuff going on and haven't been able to work on it as much as I would like. Anyway, here is the latest chapter for you, once again from Clara's POV, but the next one will be a switchover and someone else's POV. I already have an idea as to who it is, but if any of you has any suggestions or a POV you would like to see, feel free to review and let me know and I'll do my best to include it.**

 **No warnings for this chapter other than angst because this chapter directly involves the end of 'Face the Raven.' If the chapter title wasn't already a give away. ;)**

 **Hope you guys enjoy and please don't forget to review and let me know what you think! I have no clue how to make that button more attractive to you guys, but maybe...fish fingers and custard for everyone who reviews!**

 **\- Raven**

* * *

She doesn't know what lead her to do it, only that she had done it and there was no going back. She knew the risks, how impossible it was, but she _was_ the Impossible Girl, so if she couldn't do it, who could? Well, He could. The Doctor, of course. And he was trying, in how own way. But it wouldn't work. Not in time. She had no choice.

She ignores the voice that tells her that while she is the impossible girl it doesn't mean she's indestructible. She also ignores the one that says the she isn't the Doctor, and that quite possibly, she's in over her head. She forgives Rigsy for his lack of faith in her and plunges on with the plan, because isn't that what He does?

If she had learned anything in her travels it was how to be like Him. How to be confident even as the world is ending. How to smile to hide the lies. How to laugh to forget the pain. How to dance through the stars and sing with the universe. How to be invincible. How to be human.

She's human now, she thinks. As she stares at the young girl before her who doesn't even know her name. She's most definitely human and not Him, and why did she ever think she could be Him? But she smiles. And she laughs inside at the irony, and continues on. Because that's what she does. That's what He does.

But never like this!

She is scared. Scared as she watches the man she fought so hard to become suddenly turn into something else. Something cold and fierce and entirely ruthless. She watches him in his rage and pain and fear, and she realizes that she almost can imagine this man wiping out his entire race.

Stop it!

Never like this!

He turns to her, and she stares deep into those eyes, and she knows he's afraid too. Afraid to lose her. Afraid to lose himself. She makes him promise. She doesn't want to see him like this, if it is the last time she will. She doesn't want to look back on their time and watch it end with him as the villain. She doesn't want him to become the villain.

But they're both so afraid. Afraid to fail. But she doesn't blame him, even when he turns to the girl with no name and warns her to run. Running is something they both know too well. She forgives him for that, for the threats and for the running. She forgives him for being gruff and not understanding that maybe this was the point all along.

She was born to save the Doctor, after all. She's saved Rigsy, at least. Why not him too? Why not one last time?

Because if it means saving him from himself, then that's what she'll do. She'll ensure that even with her death, he will never lose himself like that.

He will run. Of course he will run. But he'll be clever. And he will remember her.

She walks through the door and sees the shadow, and she promises herself that she will be brave. She will be like him, in this. Even in this. It's impossible, to face death bravely, but she will. She has to. For his sake, and for hers.

The bird screams. Or is it her? She isn't sure, but she can see Him, and she smiles again. One last time as the raven approaches.

Run you clever boy. And remember.

Nevermore.


End file.
